Won't be looking this good.
Friends, I wish you could have been there.
After telling the best John Bobbit joke I’d ever heard, the sweaty, fat man languidly undid his shirt, nigh down to his navel…
Last Friday Steph and I made a appointment at the Men and Boy’s Shop, to pick out tux styles and obtain my measurements. This is the traditional suit store on the Downtown Mall. It is something like out of a Walker Percy novel. Or it was something out of Walker Percy novel. I guess the Southern gentleman just wears khakis and an extra-large golf polo now. Once upon a time, dressing nicely, properly, involved knowing certain rules and etiquette, but also encouraged a certain aesthetic understanding. And dressing nicely was never out of the box. While dandism always existed, dressing nice wasn’t something foreign and absurd; it was an emblem of the type of man you were.
The proprietor was really putting the hard sell on us to stay away from Men’s Wearhouse and the Mall. He also was explaining everything. When I asked him about ascots, he brightened up a bit and gave me a little more credit. Then he undid his shirt, chest-hair akimbo, and stuff several down his shirt. I hadn’t really understood that the ascot is usually tucked, into the shirt, making it hard to wear with a tux.
After a fewmore salty jokes, a bunch more sartorial wisdom dispensed, and jackets jackets jackets, we were able to pick a look we liked.
We all will be wearing classic slim-fit three-button black tuxes. The Groomsman will be wearing silver-grey vests with matching European ties (the ties that are usually rented out are pre-tied. I made sure this is not the case with us! Ghastly!). I’ll be wearing a dark marine blue vest with an amazing bow tie striped with all the colors of our wedding.
Sadly, I was not able to learn how to tie said bow tie. I tired and failed three times in the store, bearing heaps and heaps of disdain from all present. After I got home, I watched every how-to video on the web and tried on and of for an hour. FAIL.
Steph taught herself intuitively in about 7 minutes.
2 Comments
James, upon getting his first bow-tie, Joshua watched every instructional video on the internet multiple times for several weeks. His brother, who has probably worn a straight tie twice in his life watched one video, one time and promptly showed Joshua how it was done. All that is to say, you are in good company. If all else fails, I’m sure Brett could tie it for you.
)
“chest-hair akimbo.” Hilarious. Thank you, James.