So we are down to the end of days; the countdown to the 19th is just… well, you can see the countdown. We are planning away and should have everything ready to go here soon (cross your fingers). The one piece of wedding “wisdom” I have been dispensing is along the lines of “the planning will take up all the time you have.” If you are getting married in 3 months, you will be planning and preparing for 3 months. If you are getting married in two years, you will be planning for two years. If you finish everything on your checklist, you won’t stop; you will either add more boxes or begin to rethink inane details. We I say rethink, I mean agonize. I’m so happy we decided to do this in 7 months. I don’t want to swap Elvis and Solomon’s Burke’s position in the dance playlist for the 43rd time today.
I bet Elvis listened to Elvis at his wedding. I bet.
I suppose the corollary to the above, when considering a more DIY wedding affair like ours, is that the “the planning will take up all the space you have.” There are wine cases and party favor bundles and japanese lanterns and bridesmaids gifts and bulletins and C&B boxes and clippings and whatever else. Everywhere. I am afraid that on the day, when it is time for me to walk up the aisle, I will be nowhere to found. After frantic searching, it will be disocvered that I was buried in a ton of bubble wrap and birdseed while trying to traverse the length of our front hall on my way to the church.
Luckily we have decided over this past week to dial it down a bit. We had the pleasure of attending the wedding shower of Jessie and Phil, Jessie being one of my dearest old friends from Boston. The shower was at a bowling alley, a stroke of utter genius. Great fun! It was so nice to talk to another couple in similar straits about all the wedding madness. (BTW, Steph kicked my butt in both frames.)
In other ways, we have both been trying to make some time to reconnect with out closest friends; and ask them about their lives for a change. I guess it is important to keep everyone up-to-date on the wedding planning – but we’d also like discuss other aspects of our lives. Hey, how you doing? Yes, this is one of the few times in your life when the attention is solely focused on you and your life decisions, and I have enjoyed my time in the spotlight. That said, I think I’m starting to get a tad selfish and tetchy.
Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotion but the creation of time and will, any marriage, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate.
A blog that I frequent called “a Cup of Jo” is written by a very sweet and kindhearted woman named Joanna Goddard. She has been blogging since 2006. This year she got engaged, and then got married this past Saturday. While she is away on her honeymoon this week, she is featuring a series on her blog in which she has asked some of her favorite designers and writers to share their secrets to their long and happy marriages. I’ve been following for the last few days, but found today’s entry by writer Craig Nova particularly interesting and encouraging.
There are many ingredients to a long and joyful marriage. I know there is not one formula for success. But certainly there are patterns to which healthy, long and loving marriages succeed. This week I stumbled upon this beautiful story about a couple in their 80’s who have been married for 60 years. What’s remarkable is that the husband has been placing a rose on his wife’s pillow every morning since they were married. He also “kisses his 83-year-old wife Joan each morning and every night he ensures she goes to sleep with another kiss.” Aww. It seems that being in love just fosters being more in love! But so do a lot of other things. So I was prompted by this series to ask my Mom on IM today what she thinks are her secrets to a long and happy marriage (she and my Dad have been married 29 years). I would like to share what she wrote:
Christ-Centered Marriage (Put God first in all things)
Always being aware that your spouse is a precious gift from God
Pray together
Mutual respect
Good communication
On-going dates, even after kids arrive
Make decisions together
Have mutual interests as well as individual interests
When disagreeing, speak softly and with respect
Each spouse puts the other’s needs and desires before their own
Learn what your spouse’s love language is, and do it often.
Learn to have fun together
So what about you? Would anyone else like to share their advice?
We had the pleasure to meet with our organist Ginny yesterday for one final romp through our wedding selections… we decided to go with another piece for Steph’s entry:
“Cantilena” by Josef Rheinberger.
It’s a movement from his Sonata in D minor, op. 148 no. 11. A beautiful German romantic melody, I think it avoids some of the pomp these things sometimes carry in favor of some mystery and veiled, yet deep, emotion.
Today in church, Ginny played our prelude and postlude for the 11AM Rite I service. Around 20 people stayed afterward to hear the Widor Toccata. I had not heard the selection all the way through, and it was incredibly moving. It is a pyrotechnical masterpiece showcasing all of the power and fury that a grand pipe organ is capable of… too bad our organ is a piece of junk at this point! Anyway, I closed my eyes and saw my beautiful bride and me exiting the church together… three more weeks! I’m already ready already!
Last night Steph and I were able to sleep away to our “spot”; the C&O. Steph ordered for her man, and we enjoyed our usual martinis. I shared with her how ready I am for this… how every time I am in church now I visualize our ceremony, and how I just know that it will be beautiful and measured and, while I’m sure there will be intense emotional response spikes, peaceful. This is something we want more than anything, something our families want, and something that I feel God has ordained. It feels so good to just decide to let go of some of the worry!
My bachelorette weekend was completely awesome. Nine of my best friends and I stayed in a friend’s family cottage in Rehoboth Beach, DE. My sister Anna came all the way from Boston, and Margaret all the way from NYC. My friends are the greatest. They provided the house for the weekend, delicious meals, and very very pretty presents! We spent the day on Saturday lying on the beach, swimming, catching up and reading. On Saturday night we ate a yummy dinner at the house and went out to the boardwalk at night. We even did the bumper cars…
Who are you, you wonderful? You gave us a present; our beloved Kit Cat Clock. We looked for your name, to see where our kitty came from so we could give you lots of hugs…but there was no name to be found. The ticket in the box had no clues. Guess we’ll have to call Amazon…or you could tell us who you are?
Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotion but the creation of time and will, any marriage, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate.
