Come on, Steph. Get. It. Together.

Ack! I have had literally the same nightmare for the last two weeks, a bunch of times. Last night was the last straw. Today I took matter into my own hands.

I took my wedding dress to the alterations place.

Immediately after Anna (the tailor) pinned my dress I felt as if a weight had been lifted. There I was in my dress, arms out. It was a really nice mirrored dressing room, with a wooden platform. I was staring at myself while this kind and soft-spoken tailor gently pinned my dress. She said some very nice things about its design. I found myself suddenly relaxed and started telling her, light-heartedly, about this recurring nightmare (as if she was the doctor and I the patient, suddenly full of joy after being told that nothing was really wrong with me). She got a look of worry on her face when I mentioned I’d been having a nightmare…until I got to the part about it being about the dress. She seemed relieved to find out it was something trivial. Then she laughed and said “Oh you still have 3 months! Nothing to worry about!”

We only have 3 months to get everything done!!!

According to these recent nightmares I am most panicky about getting my wedding gown altered properly. Each nightmare’s scenario is similar; It is the day of our wedding and there is hustle and bustle all around. I find myself surprised at how quickly the day has approached and am happy and excited. In last night’s, I had 1970’s hot rollers in my hair (wtf) and am chatting peacefully with ladies in the changing room at the church. All of a sudden someone happily says “OK Steph you should put your dress on now…its almost time!”. I am thrilled and excited as I go to the closet to get my dress. I reach in to pull it out. And that’s when I panic because I realize then that I never took care of getting it altered or steamed and that I’m going to walk down the aisle in a wrinkled, baggy rumple. And that’s it. I have woken up in a cold sweat because of this nightmare about 5 or 6 times. In a couple of alternate iterations instead of the dress, it has become apparent that when we get to the reception I’ve neglected to do anything to decorate / modify the reception space. In another one we realize that we have no cake. I’m certain these are just manifestations of my anxiety that I won’t have enough time to do all the things I’d like to do to make this day special.

In reality I’m not that worried about it. The laid-back optimist in me says “It’ll all be fine”…but it’s these nightmares that are causing me anxiety!

I’m so thankful that I have my wonderful James. He’s an excellent planner and this process of putting together a major event has been stretching me in some good ways. I think its helping me to be more detail oriented. But I hope that I’ve banished the wedding dress nightmare for good, at least???

And…at least I’m not dreaming of being a “white bride in a goth wedding”…

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